Do I Deserve to Date?

I've been in kind of a funk lately and it's all had to do with dating.

I've tried online dating a few times and had a few successes, though mostly bombs; but isn't that what dating is all about? Anyway, I haven't tried online dating (or any dating) for almost a year and I'm getting a little antsy. See, as I'm getting older, I'm noticing more people getting into relationships and doing things like going on vacations, getting married, going on adventures, having babies, all those awesome things that come with coupling up...and I want that. I know it's "bad" to want to be in a relationship, but is it really? IS it? So I want to try, but one major thing is stopping me: Do I deserve to be in a relationship?

This question is slightly vague, and I think of many things when I ask myself this question:
*Am I too much for a man? I'm loud, I can be annoying and I'm intense sometimes (especially when I get excited).
*Because my relationships haven't gone great in the past, am I OK relationship material? Do my previous experiences with men have something to do with my major gap in relationships? (Gap of 7yrs.)
*Am I too old? (Not a joke)
*I have many physical flaws and are they too much for one person?
The biggest question...
*As a fat girl (not chunky or chubby), do I actually have a right to date? And what are my chances of finding someone who is not a dirtbag or just looking for a one-time deal?

I know a person reading these might think "Are you kidding me?? Of course you have the right to date!" But seriously, do I? For many years I've decided to hold off on certain things until I've lost SOME weight: tattoos, singing in public, rock climbing, biking (cycling, not motorcycles), volunteering for a retirement/rehabilitation home, swimming in the ocean, yoga, pilates, working out in a gym, jogging/running, marathons, traveling, making new friends.

I have honestly held off on these things for years and have recently been thinking "Should I hold off on dating until I lose weight, too?" I don't know if many of you know, but being overweight gets you a lot of creepers. A lot of guys who have, in my opinion, uncomfortable fetishes, live at home with their parents (for lazy reasons), don't have a job/are too lazy to do something better than minimum wage, live on unemployment, you think it, I've heard it. I one time went on a date with a guy who told me he wanted to watch me eat a brownie because it would turn him on. Seriously guy? I know skinny gals get their share of weirdos, but I wonder if they also get a good amount of OK guys. Guys they'd date, guys they'd see for a few dates, etc. What's their chances of finding a good guy? 50%? 40%? Sometimes I think being overweight gets you 10%, which means I have a lot to wade through. And through that "a lot," comes even more wading. Like I said, I can be a lot for a person. I can be loud in public, I have no filter, make very adult jokes, say any curse word; all of this in the right setting, however, I have been chastised by an ex for saying certain things to people. I also get super excited for certain things: vacations, day trips, photos, other's vacations, babies, animals, tattoos, cheesecake, cupcakes and artichokes. That was not a typo. My level of excitement can get ridiculous and some people are annoyed by that.

My weight is....no bueno. I've been eating very well lately, though not exercising. I'm planning to start walking every night, but I doubt a simple walk would help. I'd love to lose some weight, for my health and for my looks. I have such a hard time believing someone could be attracted to me, though I understand it's logical that someone could. It takes all kinds, right?

Besides the health risks of being overweight, is the aesthetic issues. I've seen many photos of naked, big, thick, chubby, chunky, obese women and I don't think I could stack up to any of them. I see very few redeeming qualities in myself and even the one physical thing I liked about myself (my breasts), I no longer like. My legs are fat, white and full of cellulite. My arms are very big. My stomach is not a flattering fat and my thighs are...eh...maybe they're the best feature I have, but I'll be surprised if anyone saw them again.

So, do I deserve to date? How could I possibly be good enough for someone when I have all these flaws that I am painfully aware of? Also, I don't have strong track record, as men usually think of me as a cool person , or good enough to have a one night stand with. The other few who are interested in a relationship are usually married. At this point, I don't know if I deserve to be with someone or if I could even get a man who met my standards (which a few of my guys friends have said are too high). What are my standards?

*He has a job and is not going to settle for barely making it
*He wants to advance in life
*Educated, either by self motivation or formal education--either is perfectly fine
*Doesn't play video games, table-tops, RPGs or LARPS every day
*Likes to go out and do things; this doesn't mean money. I'm talking about a day drive, a hike, bike ride, basketball/soccer in the park, going to the beach, checking out towns/areas we've never seen, fishing, watching B movies and bad horror movies
*Likes tattoos, as those are trivial, but important to me
*Has a desire to meet my friends and family, which means he's interested in me
*Doesn't mind that I'm a little controlling over rinsing out dishes when you're done. That shit (not rinsing them out) annoys me to no end.
*Likes animals
*He isn't TOO over-weight. (I'm bad with numbers...maybe nothing over 350? I think that's too high, though weight number doesn't matter to me.)
*Doesn't want to live in Sacramento forever (this is where I currently am and I want to get out)
*He isn't a fucking slob (messy I can handle)

Maybe there's a few more, but that's all I can think of right now. So are those too high? Are my standards too high? I never thought they were, but I've been told I need to lower a few.

Again I ask, do I deserve a relationship? I have flaws that I'd like to work on, but those take time and I've wanted a relationship for a while now. My flaws that I dislike, I just can't see someone getting past them, so would it be even worth trying? Which is a dumb question to ask myself, since I fully believe in in changing your situation when you're not happy. And if I do deserve a relationship, should I try online dating again? To be honest, I haven't had the best luck while up here in Northern CA, yet had better luck in San Diego, CA. I would honestly like people's opinions because I'm a bit stuck.