I have a problem and I'm not sure where to go from here

There I was, standing next to my car, while he thumbed through an old mechanics books I had in my backseat. "So it's a no," he jokingly asked. I confirmed the no and was thankfully rescued by one of his supervisors. As I was driving away from work it occurred to me: I just rejected a seemingly decent guy based on the premise that I do not date anyone I work with. But the real reason?

I am 30 years old, single and terrified of dating/men/being in a relationship.

Do I Deserve to Date?

I've been in kind of a funk lately and it's all had to do with dating.

I've tried online dating a few times and had a few successes, though mostly bombs; but isn't that what dating is all about? Anyway, I haven't tried online dating (or any dating) for almost a year and I'm getting a little antsy. See, as I'm getting older, I'm noticing more people getting into relationships and doing things like going on vacations, getting married, going on adventures, having babies, all those awesome things that come with coupling up...and I want that. I know it's "bad" to want to be in a relationship, but is it really? IS it? So I want to try, but one major thing is stopping me: Do I deserve to be in a relationship?

My vacation and things to think about

I took a vacation recently to San Diego, CA for a few reasons:
1. Visit the city I miss
2. Visit my friend Christy who helped me out so much while I was there
3. Visit my friend Doug
4. Pathetically pretend, if only for a few days, that I was in a relationship with Doug

Today = Not Great

I am 30 yrs old and I haven't had a boyfriend in a long time.