I'm sitting at my computer, excitedly typing a response to a cute guy who's just asked me what I like to do for fun. Just then, another 2 messages roll in telling me how cute I am and what I'm expecting from the site. I respond to them right away, smiling and expecting something sweet in return, but instead get the "lets txt" and "u lik big cock?" I return to the guy who said I was cute and find a message that asks if I have big....girly bits (not the top ones).
This is when I decided to step away from online dating, which was a month or two after a guy I was dating had broke it off with me (summer 2013). I was tired of the game, the perverse questions, the quickness to text, the questions of what positions I liked, what I liked to do in bed, etc. I was also tired of getting messages like "What are you doing on this site? You're so gross" and "Do you really expect to find someone?" So I sat for months silently resenting people who were holding hands, kissing, grocery shopping together, laughing over dinner, playing with their kids, you name things that couples did, I was irritated. This longing of a significant other has NEVER gone away and the desire to find my *perfect* man has always been a hunt for me. (Seriously, I've often chastised myself and silently mocked myself that I'm like a desperate lioness searching for a perfect gazelle to eat, but too out of shape to catch one.)
So 4 days ago, I'm at my computer debating about this online dating thing all day long. Seriously, ALL. DAY. LONG. Until finally, at 8pm, I say "Hey Sheena, you can't complain about something if you don't try." And lately, I haven't been complaining about relationships in the same way I have in the past (not to he same extent, anyway), but I just did it. I signed on, filled out my profile...and instantly found out why I've been stalling for months about this. I no longer care.
For the first time ever, I do not have the drive to be with someone and I'm not sure why. I think I've finally given up on some things and this is one of them. But I can definitely say that I am no longer interested in "the game." You know the game: You meet, one person speaks, another speaks, you try to find out if you're a match, if you are, you take things forward, learn things about the person, etc. This game also includes awkward dates (I'll probably be doing a post about a few of mine one day, us fatties seem to get a lot of weirdos), shitty messages, shitty rejections, clingy people, aloof people, apathetic people, emotional, people; NONE of that seems worth it.
I think one of the things that irritates me most, is sifting through the shitty messages (without trying to be rude or bitchy, as a few of my coworkers have told me they do) and guys. Since I've only been on there a few days, I have a few more before a few shitty messages will start coming in, but in the mean time, shit like this irritates me:
1. Not reading my message.
I would hope you know what I meant by the question...
2. Conversations that go nowhere/The guy responds in a way that I can't really go off of
What am I supposed to say? "Oh, that's great we're looking for the same thing?" Or "Great buddy?" Also guy, there is supposed to be an extra "o" on the end of your last sentence. It means "also," which is what you're saying.
3. The English/grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc.
If English is not your first language, I'm very lenient on this topic. English is one of the hardest languages to learn, but if you've been in the states your entire life, there is not reason you SHOULDN'T know how to spell. (This doesn't include someone with a learning disability, ok?) Dating is a search to find a good match, someone who's smart, attractive, fun, funny, whatever you'd prefer. I'd venture a guess and say that most women would be looking for someone who cared enough to be able to spell or at least make an attempt at it. That being said, what the fuck is this question here?!?! I'm not a 14 year old, this isn't texting (which isn't an excuse, I ALWAYS use correct grammar and punctuation in my texts) we're adults so why the fuck is he talking like a child?!? I'm sorry if this seems extreme, but this is almost always an automatic "no" in my dating book.
And his username? I feel like he's yelling at me and it is FAR too early in our relationship for him to be yelling at me.
4. Stop lol-ing so much.
Just stop it. (For the record, this conversation was bad and my response of "I love days off" was me saying "I wish I knew what to say, so lemme throw this at you."
Now, it's NOT my goal of blasting guys or outing guys and I definitely have never felt the need to post photos of guys to shame them or do what other sites do like this tumblr and this one and this one and then this one also this one too.
But August 8, 2012, I decided to show my friends on Facebook a string of messages between myself and this creepo. This is not fake, this is real and for context, I ALWAYS reply to messages because I've read on many forums (mainly /r/okcupid) that MANY men never get return messages also, I live in the Sacramento, CA area (you'll need this for when he says where he lives and that he's willing to move). This guy and I sent innocent replies back and fourth, then shit gets a little weird. And the photo is for visual fear. This was his actual photo.
HIM: By chance did you view the "I'm looking for" part of my profile?
It basicly says I'm looking for people to date on here, so if I talk to you I'm not really interested in you as a friend. More like a possabile future grilfriend, and maybe more if things end up going well...
For whatever its worth, I don't think of you as a one night stand. Through I do get the feeling I've been friends listed with you, meaning I might not be more then that to you.
ME: I agree that it's difficult on here to find someone who is looking for more than a friendship.
And for what it's worth, you're only "friend listed" because of how far away we live from each other. I don't really feel that long-distance relationships are worth much...
HIM: Its not difficult, just time consuming. I simply find people looking for friends on a "dating site", to be a waste of space on this site (or any other dating site for that matter)...
The fact you would write me off cause of where I live, shows a real flaw in your thinking. Partially because you don't even consider if I'm tired of living in yuma, (AZ) or even stop to ask if I would consider moving over there with you...
When you decide you might want to date me, feel free to reply back...
ME: Then I guess I'm a waste of space on this site and I have flawed thinking. I'm glad I have you to point this out to me.
Now I'm writing you off because it seems your way of thinking it extremely arrogant and you seem to have an air about you that you're always correct. I can't stand arrogant people and I definitely can't stand people who always think they're correct. Think logically for a second; why would I want someone, whom I don't even know, to come all the way to where I am, just because we get along online? That doesn't even make any sense. Two people can get along fine online but when they're together, things like tone of the voice, gestures, hobbies, friends, actions and even *real* conversations get in the way and POOF! those two no longer get a long. Plus, I don't even know if I have time to date and I was considering taking my profile off again, which would clear up some space on this site, wouldn't you agree?
And you're taking this site way too damn seriously. It's a dating website.....people are BOUND to look for one-night-stands, friends, activity partners and then someone to date. No one seems to fit your perfect cookie cutter mold and it seems to really urk you, which, to me, shows you're probably always criticizing people...and that's a shitty way to be. Loosen up; I'm sure you have a life to live.
HIM: Your right you are a waste of my time, sitting here thinking you might be interested in dating me. Only to be told you don't give a fuck cause of where I live, I can't stand that selfish still of thinking. Your just another person taking time from me, time I can never get back.
My arrogence, is in thinking your here to date (not fuck around with people). I don't even care to finish reading the bullshit you bothered typing, cause your no better then the ones before you...
I left the spelling errors for you to enjoy.
Also, you should check out I Impersonated A Female On OKCupid For A Week And It Was Terrible. This article made me feel like I'm not losing my mind in dribble.
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