Getting organized

Last night I promised myself that I would be in bed by 10pm....I failed. I ended up reading about and watching videos on gastric surgeries. My hope is to get the gastric band (not the more extreme gastric bypass or sleeve) and after reading a few things about them, I am a bit hesitant.



I found (and can site later) that plastic tends to break down (that thought hadn't even occurred to me before), bands slip (this means surgery to fix it, which I knew about) and some patients have had to have theirs removed due to various issues. There were a few other things I'd read that made me sit back and reconsider the more extreme surgeries. I don't know a lot about the sleeve (apparently it's less drastic than the gastric bypass), but it involves the same restrictions for life that the bypass does.

I do not, and have NEVER wanted, the gastric bypass. Never.
My best friend has had it and to see the things she's gone through is not something I want in life. The excess skin, things you can never eat again, you have to take vitamins EVERY DAY FOREVER, the scar tissue that can happen and cause issues, the internal bleeding, dumping (throwing up if you don't chew your food 20-30 times each bite), and the list goes on. I want to live a healthy life, not one that bars me from doing and eating certain things.

I'm sure many people would say to me "Well you want to change so you need to make the commitment." And they're right, I do want to change and I do have commitment...but I don't believe having certain foods on 100% restriction is healthy. Life should not be about what you're restricted by, it should be about how you live it and what you do with it. I don't eat fried foods, soda, sweets (often), frozen food, many processed foods and the LAST FUCKING THING I want to do is put more foods on the shelf. I don't want that and, in fact, I feel like punching ANYONE in the face who says "I lost ___lbs after I gave up (fill in: fried foods, fast foods, sweets, Starbucks, soda)!" If you can lose weight from that, good for you. But seriously, fuck you. I don't eat those things to begin with and I'm still fucking fat. So, ya know......fuck you.

But I'm still going to go the bariatric class tomorrow and see a doctor afterwards. Maybe there's a less expensive option than surgery that can help me get control of my hungry cravings, because that is the real issue. I can eat A LOT and it's rather embarrassing when I allow myself to.

I will close this stress-inducing post (well, it was a bit stressful for me) with a gem of a photo. I am the most ridiculous person ever.

My friend, Nation, and I on St. Patrick's last year (2013)