A (baby) Puppy Shower!!

 Meet Sinatra

I've been a bit MIA for a while and I have no real reason, besides that I've been working a lot.

Target may possibly be redeemed...

I stopped by Target about 2 months ago, took photos, got pissed and left. I then came home, feverishly typed up this "long" post and proceeded to make dinner, save the draft and promptly forget about it. Since I feel these photos are **MAGIC** I felt the need to post them.

The Arms of Doom

We all have things we don't like about ourselves and if you read this, I'm sure you know there are many things I don't like about me. But I hate my arms. A lot. I've posted many pictures on this blog that I never DREAMED I would be showing people. My arms are bigger than other women who are typically my size and they're so big, that I often have to try on 2 shirt sizes when shopping.

I have a problem and I'm not sure where to go from here

There I was, standing next to my car, while he thumbed through an old mechanics books I had in my backseat. "So it's a no," he jokingly asked. I confirmed the no and was thankfully rescued by one of his supervisors. As I was driving away from work it occurred to me: I just rejected a seemingly decent guy based on the premise that I do not date anyone I work with. But the real reason?

I am 30 years old, single and terrified of dating/men/being in a relationship.

No Netflix August....a success?

I suppose no Netflix August could be considered a success, if you consider the Vietnam war a success.

No Netflix August!!

So lately, I've noticed I haven't done anything. Seriously, anything.

I come home from work, turn on the computer, pee, change into comfy clothes, sit down in front of the computer with a master plan of editing some 20,553 photos I have on my computer, reorganizing bookmarks, and blogging. What I do is sit down, watch Netflix while doing a few other things (mainly tinkering) and nothing else. I'll even skip dinner if I lose track of time. So I've come up with a plan and rules to this plan...and this plan is called "No Netflix August."

I've been gone for a bit

I haven't felt like blogging lately. In fact, I haven't felt like doing much at all. I have a few things going on and I can usually deal with a few things, but it's usually one thing that happens to be the straw that breaks the camels back.

I officially hate Avenue

I  was hoping to find a new dress for a family reunion that went on a few weeks ago. I wanted to look nice and feminine, but casual, etc. So I went to a different Avenue that I haven't shopped at before, thinking this one would have more/better choices because it's bigger than the one I usually go to. This time, I didn't leave pissed, I left sad and ended up crying on the way home.

Fancy with my bestie

I kinda have picky tastes when it comes to clothing and I find that most pieces I crave...are in skinny sizes. :(
So a few months ago when I saw that Lane Bryant had a Perfect Gentleman tee, I booked it over there in desperate hopes that I would, too, be fancy. And now I am.

So one of my fears that I want to get over is being in front of the camera and I have a bestie, Joey @ Pretty, Nerdy Girl, who finally caved to taking photos of me, after months of me badgering her. I feel our day went well, which included food, a walk and many hours together. Times were good. And now on to my favorite tee!!!!

Online dating gives me this face...

I'm sitting at my computer, excitedly typing a response to a cute guy who's just asked me what I like to do for fun. Just then, another 2 messages roll in telling me how cute I am and what I'm expecting from the site. I respond to them right away, smiling and expecting something sweet in return, but instead get the "lets txt" and "u lik big cock?" I return to the guy who said I was cute and find a message that asks if I have big....girly bits (not the top ones).

Feature: An adorable mashup!!

October last year (2013), I had a date planned with a man I met online. We lived 4hrs away from each other, but agreed to meet in the middle, which was Monterey Bay, CA. I was SUPER excited....the date was horrible. A total disappointment, I was determined to find something adorable before leaving Monterey: enter Target. I shopped at Target for a bit and found this skirt, which I haven't really worn often.

Sooo I have this nifty friend, Pretty Nerdy Girl, who agreed to take some photos of me for my blog and one of my fears.

Dear Avenue....

....What the Fuck? Seriously...what...the...fuck.

This pretty much sums up my shopping experience here.

Do I Deserve to Date?

I've been in kind of a funk lately and it's all had to do with dating.

I've tried online dating a few times and had a few successes, though mostly bombs; but isn't that what dating is all about? Anyway, I haven't tried online dating (or any dating) for almost a year and I'm getting a little antsy. See, as I'm getting older, I'm noticing more people getting into relationships and doing things like going on vacations, getting married, going on adventures, having babies, all those awesome things that come with coupling up...and I want that. I know it's "bad" to want to be in a relationship, but is it really? IS it? So I want to try, but one major thing is stopping me: Do I deserve to be in a relationship?

Conquer Your Fears #2

So I've been meaning to do this blog post for a few weeks...and then made excuses.
"I want a specific set up." (true)
"My room is freakin' messy." (true)
"We had a death in the family so I'm a bit sad." (true)
"I'm having issues with my friends and school...so I'm a bit sad." (true)
"The lighting is wrong."
"I'm eating a cookie."
"I'm drinking too much so it won't be good."

Fat Shaming?

I found this brief article via Pinterest about Fat Shaming that asks the question why people feel the need to poke fun at and take photos of fat people. Well, probably fat women (let's keep it real, it's more socially acceptable to be over weight as a man, than a woman...that's not to say that some men aren't treated poorly because of their size).

I gotta admit...I cant' stand the phrase "fat shaming."

Dear Target...

....fuck you. Fuck you in the ear.

Still reeling....

...off of how many posts I made last week!!! Yeah I know it wasn't a lot, but I was super pumped up for the previous post that I sat back and watched what people said. I was surprised by just how positive people (aka friends) were. Some people said they were proud, one said I was inspiring and another said she felt the exact same way; I honestly didn't expect any of that, but it was surprising and nice.

To make a quick post, I posted this photo on Instagram this past week:

And I tagged Lane Bryant...and again they hearted my picture!!! (Yeah I know it's not called "hearted" but it's kinda what it is.....) I seriously get so excited when certain people like my photos. Anyway, this is a long sleeve, medium length sweater dress from LB and, while a tiny bit big for me, I love it and I kinda want to wear it once a week. I wore it with black leggings and medium blue shoes from Payless. Also, these *awesome* (<--SARCASM) photos happened. I'm still so entertained that Google puts these together.

Conquer your fears: Challenge 1

Before my vacation, I promised myself I would do things that I'm scared of and things that I haven't done, because of fear. Fear of failure, fear of others judging me, fear of how I'll look when doing it, just fear. While this may not be a huge leap for others, I feel it's a tiny jump for me....a tiny jump that will empower me to make big leaps.

For my first challenge, I'm going to share some photos. These aren't just regular photos, these are photos I haven't shared with anyone because I don't like the way I look in them, which is dumb. It's dumb because these photos include others and. instead of sharing these great memories with my friends and loved ones, I've hidden them away! Tsk, tsk Sheena. But I'm going to change that.

My vacation and things to think about

I took a vacation recently to San Diego, CA for a few reasons:
1. Visit the city I miss
2. Visit my friend Christy who helped me out so much while I was there
3. Visit my friend Doug
4. Pathetically pretend, if only for a few days, that I was in a relationship with Doug

This is some good info

This past week, a friend posted this list of 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself which really, really struck a chord with me; so much so, that I sat over my lunch in the break room at work and fought back tears.

Lane Bryant FTW!!

So yesterday I mentioned that I bought an LB dress that I LOVE (and for cheap 'cause I had Real Woman Dollars) and after wearing it for a day....I love it more! Though I could have gotten a size smaller and my nails kept getting caught in the lace. But not bad for a dress that was originally $80 that I got for $45!!! Exciting.

So....Lane Bryant Lace Skater Dress!!!!!

Long time no post!!

Holy crap, I have been tired, busy and freakin so burnt out that posting was on my list....but not high enough to find the energy for.

In any case, I'm back and I got some crap to post about. I won't be saying anything about my vacation for a couple posts as I have a bit of things to sort through in my head. But hey, I bought some stuff from Lane Bryant (who liked my photos on Instagram *SQUEEEE!!!*) and I'm gonna show those bad boys off to you right now!

Today = Not Great

I am 30 yrs old and I haven't had a boyfriend in a long time.

Quick post!!

Holy moley, I have had so much damn homework, it has gone beyond the idea of funny.

But the good news is, I took the plunge, put my big girl panties on (do I own any other size?) and decided to buy something I would never even think of wearing WITHOUT trying them on......

To date or not to date?

It's been a long time...

So Hawt

 And then this happened.

I < 3 the Fat Jokes

Can we just talk about something?

The Class

So I went to the bariatric class yesterday and, in the five years since I've been to it, it has definitely changed. The first time I went, the only surgery discussed was the gastric bypass (Roux NY). This time the class was a lot more informative and helped to concrete my decision. I'm not going to get a surgery...and I'm really, really fucking sad about it.

Getting organized

Last night I promised myself that I would be in bed by 10pm....I failed. I ended up reading about and watching videos on gastric surgeries. My hope is to get the gastric band (not the more extreme gastric bypass or sleeve) and after reading a few things about them, I am a bit hesitant.

The start

This coming Tuesday is the bariatric class I have to take in order for my doctor to give me a referral for the bariatric doctor. I am not nervous to take this class, as I've taken it before. I am, however, impatient to get the whole damn process started and I am nervous that I'll be turned down. Why would I be turned down? For a few very good reasons.

Things are happening

I got some things going on today, nothing particularly amazing, but still damn exciting.

Love whaaaaaa??

I hear there's some love holiday-thing coming up.

Angel food cake = Devils food cake

At work tomorrow, we have a potluck tomorrow at work because it's the Super Bowl and we're hungry....so, yup.

Anyway, since I don't often make super sweet stuff, I decided to make 2 sweet things to bring, since most people are bringing things like dips and wings. I decided to try a recipe I found in Pinterest, which lead me to this blog, which has INCREDIBLE photos!! Anyway, I grabbed all the supplies, headed home and started making these delicious thingies. It wasn't until I'd already cut the package that I noticed I had picked up white angel food cake mix instead of white cake mix. No biggie, right? I've baked and cooked enough in my life time to have made simple mistakes like this and everything has ALWAYS turned out fine.

You are beautiful

When I go anywhere, I bring my camera. When I go anywhere worth noting, I DEFINITELY take my camera.

After my friend Joe showed me Balboa Park in San Diego, CA, I decided to take a day trip there. Anyome who's been there, knows it's a big-ish place. Not Disneyland big, maybe mall big. Maybe a bit bigger. There's a lot to see and it's a good walk through it. The day I decided to go, I packed a lunch, water, camera, extra batteries and SD cards. I ended up staying a good 8 hours just taking my time and walking around. While on my way out, I somehow noticed this sticker on one of the iron decorations on the bridge (above the 215 freeway). I thought it was awesome, took a picture and went on my way.

Great things abound!!

I am in a stellar mood right now, though I'm also stressin' out a bit.

Stresses:
-Car payment
-Rent payment
-Saving money

Now on to the stellar stuff......

I'm Better

When I first started this blog, I was super, SUPER down in the dumps and, after being sick for a few days (head colds SUCK!!), and having my hair newly colored, I'm OK.

So here's the real me and what's been happening lately:

The Leaner Brain

I just recently read this article on the brains of obese/overweight women and leaner women. It's a very interesting article, but seems a bit of a bummer.

Doc Appt

So I went to the doctors yesterday and got my bloodwork done.

Lathrop Mud Run

One of the things that spurred me to get this blog going is the Lathrop Mud Run (link below).

First

I've been thinking about doing this blog for a while.....a long while.

This will basically be my chronicle of my weight, how I'm dealing with it, losing weight and fun/awesome/amazing/incredible things like shopping and what delicious, but healthy, foods there are. Lately, I haven't been feeling well after I eat crappy food (IE: Mexican food, Chinese foods, fast foods, etc). Granted, I don't eat a lot of those foods, but I just don't feel good after it. I've been trying to cut down on my bread and sugar intakes, but I'm not doing well at it.

Earlier, after going out with a friend, I was so hungry on the way home that I decided to get Panda Express....and I feel like shit right now. I need change and I need to stop this. I am very overweight and I'm scared of health risks like diabetes, high cholesterol and many, many other things. Not to mention the fact that simple things like shopping, finding a comfortable seat in public and the averted looks from men I get. Life hasn't been great these past years, so I intend to change this a bit. If I get followers, awesome. If I don't, I don't. I just want to feel better, look better and be better.